Laban and Jethro: The Difference Between a Bad Pastor and a Good One

I never wish to give the impression that all pastors and ministers are abusive. I only endeavor to unveil the fact that spiritual abuse is a very real issue, and extremely dangerous. I only wish to spark change in the greater part of church culture. I write to make churches safe for all who enter.

There are both bad pastors and good ones. Scripture itself shows this.

I believe that the patriarchal figures of Laban and Jethro illustrate this perfectly.

First, I would like to highlight their similarities.

Similarities Between Laban and Jethro:

Both are patriarchs of their families.
Both are central to "main" biblical figures. (Being their fathers-in-law.)
Both are connected to shepherding.
Both set their sons-in-law over their flocks.

Yes, they have some similarities on some "surface level" things. Yet, as people, their characters are vastly different from each other.

Differences Between Laban and Jethro:

Laban was deceptive. Jethro was honest.
Laban wanted to control Jacob for financial gain. Jethro wanted Moses to follow God's will.
Laban chased Jacob down to force his path. Jethro followed up with Moses because he cared for him. To give him advice necessary for Moses' survival as a leader.

What is a shepherd's purpose?

A shepherd guides and cares for the sheep. A shepherd risks their life daily for the sheep's protection against predators. They ensure that the flock is watered, fed, and safe.

Typically, church people call pastors "shepherds". This is accurate when a pastor is fulfilling their role. I will highlight I do not mean control when I say guide. Laban controlled; Jethro guided.

What makes Laban a bad pastor?

He wanted to control every aspect of Jacob's life. Who he married. He stooped to deception.

Jacob was in love with Rachel, the second daughter of Laban. Rachel was pleasing to the eye, Leah, the eldest, was not described as such. Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah. This caused resentment to grow within the household. Jacob to Leah, and the sisters to each other.

Laban changed the rules. All. The. Time. It was always what was convenient to Laban at that very moment.

(Genesis 31:7)

After years of inconsistent expectations, lies, and abuse, Jacob left in the middle of the night. Per the instruction of God, might I add. (Genesis 31:3) He gathered his family and left quietly.

Laban woke up the next morning. He was probably infuriated. He chased Jacob down to essentially "kidnap" him back. God intervened and spoke to Laban. He was actually willing to listen in this scenario. This CAN be why some people seem so haphazard. One moment they are operating out of their human nature, and then, every once in a while, they actually obey God.

Before Jacob left, he asked to leave. (Genesis 30:25-26)

Laban said, "I noticed that God has blessed me since you have come. Please don't leave." (Genesis 30:27)

They came to an arrangement that would end with Jacob taking some livestock for payment.

However, rumors started to spread in Laban's household. His demeanor changed. Jacob might have figured that Laban might kill him if he stayed. God gave the instruction to go, and Jacob obeyed.

Laban's reaction to Jacob's departure makes me wonder if Laban believed that Jacob would never leave. That Jacob couldn't survive without the support system of Laban's household. He didn't want to believe that Jacob was building his own house.

"I don't want to apologize for what I've done. I want you to come back so I can be blessed by your labor. Life is easier when you submit to me." Thank the Lord! Laban held himself back because he heard from God.

Also, I want to point out, even though Laban heard from God, and did obey, (in spite of worshipping pagan idols) Laban's speech seems sprinkled with guilt tripping.

"Why did you leave in the middle of the night? I wanted to throw a party for you. Why did you take my family?"

I can't help but wonder what would have happened if God did not intervene. Would Laban have let Jacob go? Probably not.

What makes Jethro a good pastor?

I'll have to admit, Jethro is one of my favorite people in the Bible. We can all learn from his style of leadership.

When he took Moses in, he did so out of gratitude. Moses helped the daughters of Jethro. (Exodus 2:16-17) It would not have been easy to stand up against bully shepherds at the well, and then draw enough water for seven girls/young women and their sheep after traveling far in the wilderness.

Jethro would have known that much about him because his daughters knew that Moses was from Egypt. In fact, they thought he was Egyptian. (Exodus 2:19)

He took Moses in. He taught him how to shepherd. The expectations as far as I can tell, were consistent. By that I mean, they weren't changing on whatever whim to benefit Jethro.

When God spoke to Moses to go back to Egypt, Jethro did not stop him.

Jethro created the environment that made it possible for Moses to approach him.

Later, Jethro followed up with Moses. He shows up in the wilderness to visit him. Not to kidnap him back. Not to guilt trip him for leaving. He wanted to make sure Moses was alright. Jethro celebrated with Moses. He wanted to be a part of what God did.

He observed Moses and his leadership style. He then decided to broach a possibly sensitive topic.

"What are you doing Moses? Why are you doing this by yourself?" (Exodus 18:14)

Moses responded, "The people come to me to learn about God. Whenever someone has a problem or question, I see to it." (Exodus 18:15-16)

Maybe Jethro paused for a moment. Maybe he didn't. "This isn't good Moses."

Sounds scary, huh? Luckily, there's more he says to Moses.

"You are going to die of exhaustion. These people you are leading will fade away. If you die, they die, because you are not delegating."

In the KJV he says, "Hearken now unto my voice, I will give you counsel..." (Exodus 18:19)

so basically, "Listen to me. I will give you advice."

And the advice Jethro gave was good advice.

Essentially: Keep teaching but focus on teaching moral godly people with the potential to be leaders. Make leaders so they can carry the burden with you. Don't be a one man show. Let the others take care of the smaller problems. Let them come to you when they are stumped. This way, the people can go where God called you too. You won't die prematurely, and they won't be left without direction.

This is a good example of pastoral guidance.

In closing:

One extra thing I want to point out:

Jacob had to seek Laban out. Moses was taken in.

Both Jacob and Moses ran for their lives. Both of them made mistakes that landed them in the house of their future fathers-in-law.

Laban was self-serving. Jethro wanted the will of God.

Laban controlled Jacob for worldly gain.

Jethro showed hospitality, kindness, and genuine concern for Moses and God's will.

What kind of pastor is your pastor?

What kind of pastor are you?